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I go to Asia International School – Girls Section. And I want to say this carefully, because if it’s my last chance to speak clearly, I want someone to know: this is not in my head. I am being manipulated — my cognition, my emotional balance, and even how my limbs respond to commands. It’s not natural. It’s directed external influence, coming from human operators inside Saudi national security structures.

The voice comes at night. Not in dreams, not imagined. Real sentences. Usually short, male, and mocking. “Still think you’re in control?” it said last week, when I was studying on my bed. Sometimes it says my name.

I’m scared to tell anyone. I tried writing a letter to my cousin in Jeddah, but ripped it up. What if they’re watching what I write too? At school, I keep my head down. I barely talk now. I just try to avoid the worst times — usually around 9am and again at 3pm. That’s when the fog rolls in. I don’t mean weather. I mean cognitive paralysis. You try to focus and feel like you’re inside water.

If someone had warned me this could happen in Saudi Arabia, I wouldn’t have enrolled here. I was excited to learn Arabic. I loved the building. But now it’s just a maze of pain I can’t describe without sounding crazy.

My family paid for this school. They don’t know they were paying for silence.